“I am the anti-pattern, and it doesn't feel good” was a line from a journal entry I wrote on the day I decided I was finished with corporate life.For months, no matter how much I tried to inspire and initiate certain people at work, I was met with blank stares, resistance, or all the reasons why something wouldn’t work. Everyone had to get a word in, and yet again, time would run out as everyone virtually scattered to their next Zoom meeting and nothing would ever really get done.But that particular morning in May 2023, instead of rage clicking that beautiful red “Leave” button on the Zoom meeting and bitching to the Universe, I was instead called to write about it.As soon as I put pen to paper it just started flowing, along with my tears. Looking back today, what I wrote then surprises me. I didn’t complain. I said thank you and goodbye.“This job has changed my life in so many positive ways I can’t even count.”“My heart is overflowing with gratitude as I ugly cry.”For many years, I loved my career. I met life-long friends, and had an absolute blast at times. I have much to be grateful for. I actually believed I was making a difference in corporate America and the U.S. healthcare system (ha!). However, the landscape at work had begun to change, and something within me definitely shifted. Or maybe the landscape was always there and I was finally seeing it for what it was. Regardless, I felt alone, like an anti-pattern, and I was ready to move on. I felt a deep knowing that I was done here, and that was that.A Manifestor's AwakeningIn Human Design terms, I’m a Quad Right, 4/1, Emotional Manifestor:Quad Right: Receptive, intuitive, non-linear, big picture thinker4/1 Profile: The Profile in Human Design is about the role we’re here to play. I’m here to influence others through trust and truthEmotional Authority: Authority is how we’re designed to make decisions and take action in the world. My authority is Emotional, which means before making a big decision I have to allow myself to go through a range of emotions first and ultimately get to neutralManifestor: One of the 5 Energy Types in Human Design. Manifestors are here to initiate, trailblaze, follow creative urges, and rest (A LOT)Manifestors get their ideas or creative urges as a divine spark, or ping from the Universe, Source, God, whatever term resonates with you. That journal entry was one of those sparks. It whispered to me: It’s time to go.Next, I relied on my Emotional Authority to tell me when to leave the job. Knowing this was a huge decision, I told myself I’d quit sometime within the next year, so that I could give myself plenty of time to listen to and follow my Emotional Authority.The Year of UndoingFrom May 2023 to May 2024, it was like the Universe cranked up the volume. Everywhere I turned it became more and more obvious that this job was no longer serving me.I was being shown so many unhealthy and negative aspects of this career. I continued to clash with certain groups of people at work, including my peers and my boss. I began to see so much ugliness that exists in the bowels of executive leadership in corporate America. My 4/1 profile of influencing through trust and truth fell on the deaf ears of peers that succumbed to greed and fear. My Quad Right-ness was underutilized in an environment that severely lacked vision and strategy and only made defensive decisions that were about problems right in front of us, or already behind us.In Human Design, the aura of each energy type operates differently. As a Manifestor, my aura is like a magnet. Magnets both attract and repel. When you’re in an environment where your aura is attracting more people than repelling, life feels good, and I felt that way for a pretty long time. However, the Manifestor aura is also there to protect and be selective. My aura that at one time magnetized certain people, was now pushing some of those same people away. This was all by design and for my highest good, and ultimately what led me to save myself, but it wasn't easy.The LeapAlso within this period I had other decisions to put through my Emotional Authority test. Like, can I really quit this (arguably) high paying job, to literally having no income? I already knew that going from one corporate job to another wasn’t the answer for me. Leaving this career was leaving corporate for good. I spent months checking in with myself, and went from “there’s no way I could ever do that”, to “duh, of course you can, and here’s exactly how you’re gonna do it.” I also spent time feeling into the idea that it was time for me to leave sunny, beautiful, Southern California and go back to my hometown for a bit. This decision felt good in my body and also the bank account as I was moving to a place where I can live on significantly less, and spend more time with family.One Year LaterSo now, (as I’m writing this) it’s May 2025.What have I done in the past year? Surely by now I’ve launched some business that is already successful where I hardly lift a finger and my bank account keeps growing. Nope.Some would say I haven’t done shit. That isn’t true either. I could write a book on the toll corporate America takes on the body and nervous system, and what it takes to decondition from it. The struggle is real.I discovered Human Design in 2021. At that point I had been working in jobs, working AGAINST my design on-and-off for over 15 years. For me, it’s taken a long time to actually allow myself to rest and chill out without feeling guilty, or like I should be doing more. I’m still working on it.Day-to-day I probably look lazy. I wake up without an alarm at my leisure, read for an hour (or two), s l o w l y sip cups of coffee, and definitely catch up on all the Bravo shows. FYI - When a Manifestor is in a rest cycle they may need help being peeled off the couch.But I've also done some stuff too, when I felt like it, at my own pace:Earned my Human Design Reader Certification through @themanifestorcommunityAttended my first Human Design conference and met tons of ‘anti-patterns’ like me 😉Gave dozens of free Human Design readings for practice, learned a TON. Most notably, recognizing how I feel helping others AND doing something I really enjoyFloated in a pool all summer, contemplated life, and learned about the importance of sunlight and circadian rhythms. I actually trained my pale Irish skin to TAN! ☀️Continued with Mediumship training and I have actually connected with both human and animal spirits! 👻Got pretty deep into the idea of Real Estate investing, but then got turned off by the economic volatility we’re experiencing in the U.S. Will wait on my Emotional Authority to decide if I pick it back up 🏘️Took Agility training with my pup, Pickles. We both had a blast! 🐶Finally took drum lessons 🥁Reconnected with old friends and am spending more time with familyTraveled to some pretty cool places, including: Colombia, Spain, Italy, New MexicoWithout really trying, accidentally became part of the underconsumption core community - stopped relying on Amazon, only spend $ on what truly matters to me and it feels wonderful, not restrictiveFound some cozy activities - Reading LOTS of books, listening to podcasts, going down rabbit holes, gem art kits, Stardew Valley (had to cut myself off from this one) 😌Built stronger boundaries and deepened my self-trustLaunched my website & published this post!I have rested a lot, and I’ve done some stuff. I’ve come out of the latest rest cycle and am following a creative urge writing this post. Here are a few photos along the way:Photos (top to bottom): Meeting THE Chetan Parkyn, Human Design guru @ High Desert Human Design Conference in Santa Fe, NM; Having a blast giving a Human Design reading; Agility training with @pixthecav; MedellÍn, Colombia; Cádiz, Spain; Tuscany, Italy; Hatch, NMYour TurnAs a Manifestor, I appreciate informing. So if anything here resonated with you, please inform me! I’d love to hear from you.Send me an email at: sarah@manifestingsunshine.com orDM me on Instagram: @iammanifestingsunshineIf you’re curious about Human Design, you can get your chart, a personalized report, or book a 1:1 reading with me at:www.manifestingsunshine.com